Porn & Poetry Problems Punked

September 28, 2015

Dear Aunty,

We are a middle aged couple, married 26 years and comfortable with each other and our life. However, I recently found some porn my husband downloaded and burned on to a DVD in a box of DVDs from 10 years ago. He has never mentioned an interest in porn – if he had, it would not have shocked me at all, I’ve explored some of the Web’s shadier alleyways myself. But it’s the very fact he never mentioned it that upsets me. Doesn’t he trust our relationship enough to tell the truth? And if he has been hiding this from me, what else might he be hiding? Also, this is my first experience of the term GILF, which is an even greater worry (The G stands for Granny).

— Shaken and stirred, Menindie, SA.

Dear Shaken and stirred…

It’s always slightly scary to find out info like this for the very reason you mention – “what else may he be hiding?” This is a scary thought. But it’s just that – a scary thought with no substance as yet. I reckon he may be a bit embarassed, that’s normally the reason for secrets. Did you tell him about your web pursuits? It’s OK to have fantasies as long as they stay fantasies, and I reckon the GILF thing is less worrying than someone who’s looking at youngsters. I would try to bring it up casually and let him know that you’ve had a wee check of these things too and maybe you may want to check them out together. It may be a good time to have a quick happiness check and see if you may want to do something together to spice up your sex life. Make sure you’re both getting what you want/need. I suggest a trip to Sexy Land or some female friendly sex shop together, it’s funny if nothing else! Theres some fun stuff out there for both of you!

Good Luck and happiness in your house 

Love and Light — Aunty Cowbelle xx


 

Dear Aunty,

Please help. I cannot finish my poem:

My love, a dove
Sent me from above
An orange
Which…

I’m kind of fucked here. Any ideas?

— Poet Aster

(And yes, it HAS to be an orange. It’s important.)

Dear Poet Aster,

Arrrrggggghhhhhhh …. why does it have to be ORANGE???!!

My love, a dove
Sent from above

An orange which….
took the  the shape of a

Blancmange
rolled along the grass
It looked like your arse…

The End

Love and Light — Aunty Cowbelle xx


 

See Aunty’s other life solutions HERE.


Ask Aunty Cowbelle a question here!

Leave a Reply